Some people believe that it is primarily through suffering that we find our way back to God; the Source; or the all-abiding Universal Consciousness. In the past, some religious aspirants used to practice mortifications of the flesh, such as self-flagellation (slapping themselves with whips), or wearing an itchy sackcloth, amongst other things, for the purpose of penance, curing a bad habit or even (paradoxically) increasing compassion. We can look at these practices with detachment and see the proposed intention, namely a desire to purify themselves, but do we really believe that we can beat the ‘sin’ out of ourselves. Personally, I don’t adhere to this philosophy of beating myself into submission on my quest to become a better person; I think the road to self-realization allows for more compassion than a ‘good’ strap across the back.

Well, “we don’t do that barbaric sort of thing anymore”, you may say, but is that true? Our society is so frenetic in its materially ambitious lifestyle, image sales pitches, and mindless preoccupations with the body, amassing money and wasting time, that we may not notice the plethora of harmful habits we practice. One example of this self-flagellation can be seen in how we speak to ourselves in our mind. So, I had a friend who did not like the way she looked as she felt that she needed to lose weight to be happy. As a result of this dissatisfaction with her body, when she was on the elliptical machine she used to repeat the mantra, “I hate my body, I hate my body…”. She used the metaphoric whip of self-hatred and repeated it ‘religiously’ every day as she worked on motivating herself to exercise. She was not necessarily exercising to be healthy, although it was a side benefit, but rather reinforcing that she did not like the way she looked and needed to look like someone else.   How many of us participate in these mantras of self-deprecation, whether it is, “I hate my body” or “I am stupid” or “I am worthless” – the list of statements goes on, ad infinitum. Well, friends, it is time to stop, re-align our thinking, and break out of the negative paradigms we have built around ourselves that keep us small, constricted, and unhappy – it is time to break out of our misery and allow peace and happiness in. It is time we start to speak to ourselves with compassion and love.

There are so many ways one can start changing the inner dialogue and eradicating mental self-flagellation, but a good first step is to reduce one’s mainstream media consumption, eliminate the habit of gossip, engage in right company, practice forgiveness, and give silence a space to grow within us. Observe your thoughts and how you speak to yourself: Do you give yourself room to make mistakes or admonish yourself at the slightest transgression? When you look in the mirror do you cringe, or do you embrace the image? Do you indulge in drugs, alcohol, stimulants, or food every time you think a bad thought, or do you lift yourself up with meditation, breathing and positive affirmations?

It doesn’t matter where you start or where you are on the path to self-realization, you can start right here, right now; any effort you make towards healthier thinking will be rewarded – guaranteed. So, take note of your thoughts, how you speak to yourself, and when you come across a pocket of shame, negativity, or constricted thinking, replace it with a kinder word that lifts you up – allow change to be motivated by compassion. Don’t wait until tomorrow to start this practice, let go of indulging in negativity and take the time now to fill yourself with compassion and love. You will never regret it.